A traditional Jewish wedding includes one of the most beautiful ceremonies followed by fun-filled celebration. On their wedding day, Jewish people embrace meaningful rituals which symbolize truth, unity, and the obligations of a husband and wife.

In their wedding preparations, a bride (kallah in Hebrew) and her husband (chatan in Hebrew) should reflect and focus on their faith, lineage, material, spirituality, and planning for the future together. A Jewish man and woman should embrace the idea of marriage (called Kiddushin in Hebrew) and be prepared to sanctify themselves together.

Jewish weddings typically embrace tradition and celebrate the Jewish faith. The following guide will help explain the sacred day when a Jewish wedding occurs and all of the wedding plans that proceed that very special day:

Kabbalat Panim The Week Prior to the Wedding Day

It’s a Jewish wedding custom for the bride and groom to be seen by anyone but one another during the week prior to their wedding ceremony. During this week, separate receptions called “Kabbalat Panim” are held prior to the actual wedding itself. During this time-the mother and the bride and groom meet with one another and break a plate together. This is a symbolic tradition. The plate, in a way, represents the relationship. Once shattered in pieces, the plate can not be repaired back to its normal condition. Such is the case with any relationship, once shattered, it can never be returned to its original state.

Badeken The Veiling of the Bride

The veil symbolizes modesty. Regardless of how physically attractive or unattractive a person may be, the soul and character are forever. Unlike physical beauty, which fades with age. Like (biblical) Rebecca prior to her marriage to Isaac, the veil is an accessory which has become a custom to protect and clothe the wife.

The Wedding

Considered the happiest and holiest personal day in a Jewish couple’s life, all past mistakes are forgiven this day. Together the new couple makes their lives together. It’s a unification of the soul. At the ceremony, the groom wears a kittel (traditional white robe, also worn on Yom Kippur). The bride and groom are expected to fast until the completion of the marriage ceremony.

Jen Carter is owner of My Wedding Blog, a free wedding planner guide. This article can be found in our Wedding Customs category. You may publish our articles on your website only if you do not edit the article in any way, and include all html as direct links to our site.

The relationship expert on i.village.com, I am the author of many books on relationships and Zen including Living By Zen, (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life), www.livingbyzen.com Some other books of mine include Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon And Schuster), Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World), Wiley, and Why Men Leave, (Putnam), What He Can’t Tell You And Needs To Say, (Putnam).

We are meant to live a life of love. However, no matter how successful some are in other aspects of their lives, they wonder if it’s possible to have the same success in love. Although things may start out wonderfully in the beginning, there is always the fear that it won’t last, that difficulties will arise, feelings will start to change. Then when things alter, as they naturally must, many have the mistaken idea that the love is disappearing. . They wonder what went wrong.

Nothing went wrong. Change is natural and inevitable. It does not mean that the love has gone away. That is a mistaken idea of what love is. We simply have to know what love is, and how to keep it growing, through all the ups and downs.

The Perfect Partner

When we initially fall in love, we feel we have found “the perfect person.” A tremendous excitement takes over. We project many wonderful qualities upon our partner and block out any faults. Then we feel that we, too, must be so wonderful to have a partner who is so ideal. For many there is the feeling that they have finally discovered someone who will be able to give them all the love, approval and inspiration they have sought all their lives.

This is a huge demand to make upon another person, but it happens anyway. When this demand is not fulfilled, a deep disappointment can arise. It seems as though the partner has failed us, but in truth it is the unrealistic demands we have made that is causing pain.

Guide 1: Take a close look at what you are expecting from your partner.
Is it possible? Are you setting yourself up for a fall?

Realize that no one can make up for years of upset. No one can give you all you need to feel whole. You must learn to love, grow and become whole on your own. You must become your own best friend, and also learn to be a friend to the other

After a period of time, when we feel more secure in the relationship, it is inevitable that reality starts to set in. Different qualities in our partner become obvious. It’s hard to keep pretending that the person matches all our dreams. It is at this point that questions and doubts start to surface. Perhaps there is a desire to “change” the other to meet our image, or a feeling that if they loved us enough, they would naturally change.

Both stop a moment and think carefully. Another person does not exist to meet all of your needs and dreams. This is not love. It is using anotheras an object to meet our needs. This desire itself cause our pain.

Guide 2: No one has to change for you to love them. Nor do you have to change to be worthy of love. You can never change enough to please another person. The work of love is to be able to love the other just as they are, and to also love yourself.

The work of love is the work of learning to accept the other person, and also to accept yourself. Love is not a feeling that stays the same all the time. Love is a verb. It grows as we face change and difficulty. Love grows through actions we take, through understanding and through developing the ability to really know who the other is and to really become their friend.

“A feeling that is here one minute and gone the next cannot be called love.”

Kabir
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cc/Dr Brenda Shoshanna/2005

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Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D., psychologist, speaker and author is a long term Zen practitioner whose work integrates Zen and everyday life. The relationship expert on i.village.com, she offers workshops and talks on relationships and is the author of many books. The most recent is Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life), http://www.livingbyzen.com. She is also the author of Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Zen Miracles, (Finding Peace In An Insane World) and many other books. She can be reached at topspeaker@yahoo.com Her personal website is http://www.brendashoshanna.com

From purchasing the garter to choosing the photographer, brides (and grooms!) are online and as the Internet’s many advantages have begun to permeate most every aspect of wedding planning, a single question has been popping up more and more: can I use the Internet for my wedding invitations? As a wedding website designer I’ve answered numerous emails from brides asking if an email announcement to visit their wedding website can not just supplement their wedding invitation but actually replace it. It’s an interesting idea, one with the potential to save a great deal of time and money. However, one big question remains. Is it acceptable? Considering the potential benefits, it’s certainly a question worth asking, and some compelling arguments can be found on both sides.

First, consider the many purposes of a wedding invitation. Most obvious is the intent that the recipient understands who is invited. Also important is the inclusion of maps and directions, RSVP information, reply cards and essential wedding details. Furthermore, the wedding invitation is an expression of the couple’s personal style and can serve as a memento for friends and family to remember the event. Considering all these essential functions, the question, then, is whether the traditional wedding invitation can be replaced by a simple email invitation to visit the couple’s site online. Certainly, a creative and informative wedding website can serve the majority of the purposes mentioned. In fact, wedding details might be more specific and useful on a website given the amount of space that can be afforded an entire page devoted to each subject. One can easily give details and links to important wedding locations, schedules, maps, etc. Also, if the bride and groom are able to create their own site or find a designer they like, they can certainly express their own unique style and theme on a wedding website. But what about the empty space in grandma’s album just waiting for her granddaughter’s wedding invitation? Here is where an online invitation falls short. One solution, however, could be to purchase or make a wedding CD with the website on it. Technologically hip grandparents can treasure this memento like they would a written invitation (even if it doesn’t go well in an album).

Still can’t decide? Consider some of the pros and cons of the “virtual invitation”:

Pros:

*Save money on wedding invitations (certainly the most compelling argument for many). The cost of an online invitation, including one designed by a reasonably priced professional, should be considerably less than sending written invitations for an average sized wedding when factoring in the cost of the printing, postage, and reply cards.

*Save the time of selecting and sending written invitations, especially if you were going to have a wedding website anyway.

*Make things a little easier for those guests who already do a great deal online.

*Receive RSVP responses via email.

*Include links to maps and directions.

*Have wedding details laid out for guests to avoid the bother of answering the same questions over and over.

*Include important links so guests can find the information they need on such things as local attractions, accommodations, and travel (particularly useful for destination weddings).

Cons:

*Compiling all of your guests’ current email addresses can be a daunting task.

*Not everyone is online. Unless you know for a fact that you can get your email invitation to everyone who should receive one, this is not a good option. You never want to offend family and friends when planning a wedding.

*Etiquette, etiquette, etiquette. If etiquette is particularly important to you or the people who will be receiving your invitations, this is not the right choice for you.

For those who are thinking the whole “virtual invitation” is too drastic a change I suggest a compromise. Many couples are finding that combining the modern with the traditional is the way to go until all their friends and family have caught on to the Internet. The couple’s web address can be included in the traditional invitation so their guests can have two sources for wedding information. Also, written invitations can be sent with instructions to RSVP online thus saving the couple time and money for postage and reply cards (with just a slight bend in tradition).

In the end, whether it’s traditional, modern or modern-traditional, what matters most is that the bride and groom have the wedding they desire. The best advice I can give is don’t worry too much about tradition and etiquette; rather, spend the time planning the wedding of your dreams and maybe make some traditions of your own along the way.

copyright 2003 Tamara Baker and Celebrate Our Lives Wedding Websites

Tamara Baker is the owner of and website designer at Celebrate Our Lives Wedding Websites. She has been hand designing couples’ wedding websites since 2002.